Category Archives: Thoughts

Stuck In The Dark Ages

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DSCF0140When they show the master stonemason of the Cathedral of here or there, they show someone chiselling away in their workshop (^example). The only modern equipment, TV and sound recording gear excepted, are protective glasses and breathing masks. Oh, and a vanadium steel chisel, and a plastic hammer, heating, ear plugs, good lighting conditions, windows and roofs, a kettle for tea and a full belly.

This is not the authentic “just like they did it 500 years ago” experience, and why should it?

But, if authenticity of the manufacture process isn’t required, I can’t help wondering why they do not 3D laser-scan a sample stone, provide the exact measurements of the replacement stone, press Load and Go on a CNC-controlled router and be done with it.

Even Julia could do it!

The resulting stone may look at little too smooth, too exact, too machine-made, but at 27 feet above ground, seriously, who cares? A smoother surface will only make it last longer.

 

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Bye Bye, and Hello

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DSC_0436It’s Good Bye to The Independent, which we had delivered every morning for the last few years.

A letter informs me of the discontinuation of their home delivery service by March 31st, suggesting that I should switch to the digital edition or to subscription vouchers. I don’t walk the dog first thing in the morning, so vouchers for self-collection at the newsagent make no sense (and besides, could I not use one of those tokens with a picture of Her Majesty on it? People say they also work as newspaper vouchers.), and I don’t want to spend every single minute of my day, including breaks away from my screens, in front of a screen. No, thank you.

Starting April 2nd, we shall become Guardian readers. Hello!

We are looking forward to the change, especially since The Independent became increasingly tabloid, and we look forward to eliminating the weekly annoyance of Mark Hix.

 

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Church And Other Disappointments

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DSCF0354Ah, you had me fooled, Charlotte Church.

For a while, earlier in the month, I was about to applaud you for taking the News of the World phone hacking issue to the courts rather than accepting settlement from Rupert Murdoch. Fool that I am, I thought for once someone has a decent amount of morals, a spine, a sense for what is right and what is wrong.

No. An improved offer of £500,000 was what it took to satisfy your injury.

I realise now, reading the earlier article again, that you never claimed high moral standards, only a reported break-down in negotiations over the settlement pay-out.

Shame on you.

Not everyone can afford to waive an offer of £30,000, £100,000 or £500,000. But more or less everyone on the list of victims could have done without this pain killer; everyone could have done the right thing. None did.

Shame on you. All of you.

 

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False Advertising, Government-Style

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DSCF2189Advertising tobacco products is banned from British television, and rightfully so. Also banned are adverts with explicit sexual or racial content, for example. A commercial recommending a yoghurt-like product is banned in the UK for exaggerating its health benefits, and so is one advertising make-up, which was aired after heavy airbrushing and photoshopping.

There are plans to outlaw advertising cosmetic surgery such as breast enlargements.

There are even rules in the UK; restrictions on advertising which ‘might result in harm to children physically, mentally or morally’ and on adverts employing methods that ‘take advantage of the natural credulity and sense of loyalty of children.’ [ITC]

Unfortunately, there are no rules against advertising murder under the pretence of adventure.

The British Army, Airforce and Navy, in concert with the Territorial Army, are all happy to run TV commercials on British television, telling viewers how much fun is to be had in the armed forces. Their advertising is aimed at grown-up people, which is bad enough, but most definitely also aims at younger recruits: boys and girls barely able to enjoy sex without breaking the law, boys and girls not yet entitled to vote, to drive a car, or to work through the night in a 24-hour fast food outlet.

These boys and girls are welcome to join the military though, and learn to become a murderer, or be butchered themselves. When they return from ‘deployment’ in a coffin, the country mourns both in silence and in an outcry of shock about the devastating tragedy that this 17 year old soldier bit the dust, roadside in Afghanistan or elsewhere.

17 or 43, male or female, black or white or ginger. It’s murder all the same, and advertising it is a disgrace.

 

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New World Sports

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DSC_0144The Prime Minister hopes that the 2012 London Olympics will encourage more people to take on sports.

New world sports, I’m guessing:

Power Tweeting

Cross-terrain Texting

Speed Channel Hopping

Synchronised Facebooking

What’s your favourite new world sport?

 

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A Project Proposal

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DSC_0239No This Week I’ve Been Mostly Eating this week. I am stuck in a studio apartment with a tiny kitchenette and mediocre equipment. Cooking is limited to salads, sandwiches, pasta with simple sauces. Not very exciting.

Instead, let me tell you about an arts project idea that came to my mind:

You start by talking to those people who make the colour mixing machines found in the paint departments of supermarkets, D.I.Y. stores and hardware stores. Dulux comes to mind, but others have pretty daughters colours, too. Somehow, you make them surrender their colour mixing statistics: on this day, we produced 5 litres of a paint made of 3% apricot and 1% lime, and 2 litres coloured with 1% ochre and 0.5% bright red (plus the bulk in white), etc.

You’d collect this statistical data over a long time, preferably a year, and preferably in different countries and continents.

Then, you go and chose a colour chart. I like the idea of using a standard IT8.7 target, but some of the fancier colour rendering index methods with all colours of the rainbow, arranged maybe in a circle, could be a good start.

Next, you devise an algorithm that lets you plot this chart, distorted by the statistical data retrieved. For example, one might expect that bright yellow and lime colours play a larger role in spring than maybe in summer, or one might expect that ochre and beige shades play a larger role in California than in England. Will the winter be predominantly dark or bright?

It seems plain to me, even though I won’t normally shy away from making an effort, that this is a tiny little bit too large for me. I guess this could be a digital art major project for one or two students, for example, so if anyone out there reads this and plans on doing it, good luck, and be sure to show me the results.

 

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Whiter Than White

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bibendumThose who have been to the U.S. before will know them as the country of superlatives: strawberries are larger and sweeter than elsewhere in the world. Coffee cream is whiter, roads are wider, cars are bigger, supermarkets are larger (and so are the steaks), people are louder, portions are bigger and petrol is cheaper. In fact, the list of superlatives is longer than anywhere else.

When shopping for food in a local supermarket, I found another peculiarity previously unknown to me: eggs are white.

Back home in Britain, you’d struggle to find a white egg on the shelves; the vast majority of chicken eggs sold are brown eggs. Over here, I found a few brown ones on a specials shelf, but hundreds of cartons of white eggs.

I haven’t cracked a white egg in a long time, so I conducted an experiment over the weekend. This took the shape of Tagliatelle Carbonara with smoked salmon, with sauteed spinach and Shitake mushrooms on the side, and a soft boiled egg for Sunday morning.

The world is in order and I am at peace. The American white egg is just what it claims to be: an egg.

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A Cook, an Artist, And a Poet

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DSC_0738-largeA cook, a visual artist and a poet are among the professions required for a great chef.

Have you seen Claire Hutchings’ menu for an event at The Bunk Inn, Curridge Village, Thacham, 28th & 29th of February? Probably not, but if you want to, here is it:  http://pic.twitter.com/ZoT3p0Uf.

I don’t mean to be picking on Claire. I am certain her food looks stunning, and tastes every bit as good as it looks. I liked her on Masterchef Pro and even thought she could win it. I also don’t mean that she’s alone in this, but seriously? This is not a menu. It’s a list of ingredients. Maybe Masterchef spoilt her, since they seem to do this forever and ever: I made you a blah-blah-blah on whatnots, accompanied by this, that, and something else, with a jus from something and other and a foam made from whatever, topped with a shard of…

This is where the chef needs to put her poet hat on for a while, and invent a name of a meal, and a menu, that is not a list of ingredients or preparation methods. Something intriguing, something that arouses curiosity and imagination alike, something amusing. Maybe there’s a job opportunity here for someone with inspiration, language skills and a good understanding of food and cooking.

I am not offering my services here, and I am not claiming that my Christmas 2011 menu sets a standard, but honestly, I find it much more appealing to read and look at, and much more intriguing. Honest.

Would all aspiring chefs please give this more thought and come up with more original menus?

Thank you.

 

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The Masterchef Challenge Challenge

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DSCF3904One of the dreadful American TV Food Channel cookery competitions (I forget which one, but I haven’t seen any that wasn’t dreadful) delights itself in challenging the contestants with seemingly impossible tasks. Contestants are asked to use a combination of Leberwurst, Chocolate and Shark Steaks in a fine two-course meal, if I may give one hypothetical example. Thankfully, the trusted and beloved Masterchef (UK) program doesn’t do this, but they have challenges, such as the invention challenge, too. This got me thinking about other cooking tasks which provide a genuine challenge without entering the realm of sensationalism and …. ah, I can’t even find the words for my disgust of these US programs.

Anyways. Suggested challenges include these:

  • Design an economy-class in-flight meal, complete with strict budget limitations and tin-foil serving tray.
  • Create a dish called Spaghetti Don Alfonso (or any other name both unbiased and raising certain unconscious expectations). Contestants have to produce something that suits the name, a dish that could have been plausibly served in a restaurant under that name.
  • Serve Lamb Madagascar (or any other region which isn’t widely known for its cuisine). Contestants have to be truly inventive about the recipe.
  • Prepare a meal together with a group of children. Teach them, inspire them, and delight the pallet.
  • The copycat challange: Present the contestants with a dish. They can sample it, touch it, smell it, look at it, but they aren’t given the recipe or any information about it. They are then asked to reproduce this dish.

How would you challenge your contestants?

P.S. The Masterchef 2012 series starts tomorrow, January 16th, 2012, 21:00 on BBC1

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Toys for Grown-ups

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DSCF0377I am pleased to report that I am working on a little arts and crafts project right now. The missus is even more pleased, I think. It’s one of those crazy ideas that might just be a lot of work and might just take some while, but with luck, it will be worth the effort.

So, without giving too much away, I wanted to tell you that I am now a very happy and very proud owner of a Dremel 300 multitool; the Swiss army knife of rotating electric tools. One of those little hand-held motors with tens of attachments for cutting, sanding, polishing, grinding, cleaning, …. It is just a.m.a.z.i.n.g. It even includes a flexible shaft, which I find even a.m.a.z.i.n.g.e.r.

I think this will be an enormous help with this little project. I have now stopped counting the “oh, I wished I had one of those when I did this or that” thoughts, too. My life would have been easier, and the results much better (and faster, and neater) many times. I wished I had bought one much earlier. This tool seems perfect for little jobs around the house and garden, and certainly is perfect for many jobs in craft and hobby affairs.

I can’t wait to take it to stone, too, but one thing at a time.

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Who’s Done It?

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2011-04-17 095Much hailed, much praised, much awaited: the new and modernized adaptation of Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson on BBC Television.

The adaptation sticks closely to the original, in the sense that Watson is clueless and Holmes arrogant and disagreeable, pulling solutions out of the hat, reluctantly providing retrospective explanations. Sex and jokes are added to the plot for increased viewing pleasure. However, the authors didn’t think we were capable of following a coherent plot, or that we were planning to work out who’s done it, so they didn’t bother providing us with a coherent plot, or any form of a story line such that we could play couch detectives.

No He’s done it! I recognize the pattern of his shoes for us, just an occasionally amusing mambo jambo of scattered plot fragments, interspersed with nudity, arrogance and conspiracy theory, in a video cut fit to make a sensitive viewer seasick. We should have been warned by the BBC’s tag line, describing the remake as fast-paced.

This being a modern tale, the Internet, email and text messages feature prominently. The film makers have found a nice way to visualize these through a screen overlay text display. Praise for that, and praise for the jokes. Not the worst in TV entertainment, but certainly far from the best, and disappointing as a mystery tale.

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Happy New Year

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When the Milk Goes OffHappy Hew Year, Everybody!

I was trying to enlist my new year wishes for you, but the list quickly became very long, so I shall simply wish you all the very best.

Oh, and good health, peace, humility, mercy, common sense and lots of fun.

 

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