Sex Won’t Fix It (Probably)

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Sex ist keine Loesung I hadn’t known that single-bed hotel rooms still existed. This one was fully equipped with one flimsy duvet, accompanied by a thin pillow and all-day, all-night entertainment from the near-by air-conditioning unit.

The room further featured theft-safe courtesy soap (but no other of the usual amenities, such as body lotion or cotton buds). An alarm clock (or, really, any clock), was unavailable and the bed-side reading spot-light would only light the centre of the room.

The door card only worked after three or four attempts, and staff was not very forthcoming or even prepared to inform and seek understanding about the nearby building site, or the problem with the door locks (which wasn’t limited to myself or my door).

Coffee is rationed, and the toilets in the breakfast room, restaurant and bar remain firmly locked until lunch time. Wireless Internet access is available throughout the building, at the ludicrous rate of €10 per hour.

Mövenpick Bielefeld. I am not impressed.

I paid only €78 per night on a corporate deal (breakfast excluded), so that’s the upside of it.

While I would generally hesitate to agree with the Kulturamt’s claim (“Sex is no solution,” see picture), in this particular case, I will. It is not that I tried, though. In the middle of one dark, cold, snowy and thoroughly miserable evening, I was approached by a street hooker who probably was frozen to the bone as much as I was. Not tempting, and I doubt that it would have solved the problem with the hotel anyway.


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