Not For You

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monkey Talking on the mobile phone while sitting in a toilet cubicle with the trousers round the ankles is, I find, hugely borderline and a sign of disrespect for the party called. Taking your drink with you to to toilet, however, is unhygienic to yourself, so it is also stupid on top of begin disgusting. I guess there is an extra obnoxious group of those drinking while phoning while sitting on the loo.

Rather than being disgusted, I propose embracing this time-saving strategy thus:

One could use a headset to talk whilst eating and drinking. A fold-down tray would be supplied with each toilet cubicle. One could use the chewing time to pick up weights, attached to holders mounted on the toilet cubicle walls, and get some exercise. Inside the cubicle door, one LCD display each keeps you informed about the world news, the sports, the financial world, and the latest craze from YouTube.

As you stand up and before re-dressing, a whole-body sanitizer spray takes care of you. The whole-body sanitizer spray also carries a chemical marker, allowing machinery to identify when and where you were last cleaned in this manner.

Then, finally, when it comes to armed conflict and you are asked to fight for freedom and liberty and defend your country, you could quickly group the population into those who do and those who don’t carry the aforementioned chemical marker. I will then look at the large group of nerds who all carry the whole-body sanitizer marks, and firmly shout:

Not for you! For you, I will not fight.

You’ve been warned. If you talk on the phone or take your paper coffee cup to the toilet, you won’t be fought for, and will be left to the mercy of the communists anarchists terrorists Chinese Koreans aliens whatever.

 

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